I DID IT!

You reach a stage in your life when "firsts" don't happen as frequently as they used to. You need to make specific goals in order to get those firsts rather than rely on the momentum of life to get you there. (i.e. your first kiss vs. your first 10k).


Well, yesterday morning at around 6:15 a.m., I did it. I got to my goal of 50+ kms in a registered event. I actually completed 56 kms in total - a first for me! That is the furthest that these legs have ever taken me before. I knew I could succeed at Dirty Girls and I did just that. I ran/walked seven 8 km loops!  I didn't have a crew, no one helped me, and I didn't have a pacer (which wasn't allowed anyway for the 12 hour race). I did the entire race by myself.

I prepared well for this race. I ran. A lot. I ate the right way - no junk. I still have a problem drinking as much as I should but I did OK. (Water people, w-a-t-e-r!).

I'm going to be honest here; it was hard. Besides childbirth, it was the hardest thing I have ever done. I was mentally and emotionally fragile before the race. I wasn't sure I had trained enough. But the added stress of a full "night run" really kicked in. Running at night, even with flashlights, is not the same as running during the day.

Case in point, I fell twice during the first three loops. And not just one of those "oops, I tripped but regained my balance before I actually landed" kind of falls. We're talking full on hit the dirt with every part of my body. I was actually lucky during both falls. I landed on my left side first and my right side second. No scraped knees or major cuts. My upper left arm, which took the brunt of the first fall, is sore today. And my right knee is pretty swollen. After the last fall though I scared myself because I was completely alone. I decided that running was probably not a good idea until I hit the road portions of the race. Looking back it was probably one of the smartest moves I made. I fell on my right side and left side so the next fall would have probably been a face plant!

After my falls, I slowed way down. I had twelve hours to get to 56 kms so there was no rush. And if I really injured myself then getting to the goal would have been jeopardized. The 8km loop is a real mix of nicely flat, runnable sections with a few (ha!) rooty sections to force you to focus on what you are doing. There are at least two "swearable" hills to climb. The last major one called "A Runner's Pain" is just that. It starts out as a nice, meandering climb and then turns into the steep end of hell. I hated it but loved it too because I knew once I got to the top of that hill that I was only about 2 1/2 kms away from the start/finish. It's a great motivator!

Although the second and third loops had my falls, I would have to say that the fifth and sixth loop were the most mentally challenging for me. I was tired. I was hungry but nothing seemed appetizing. I was mentally drained. Funny thing though because as my brain was pointing out all the reasons to stop, my body just kept going. It simply over-rode all the negativity and just kept moving. There's something to be said for kicking on "autopilot". Around the same time I looked up through the trees and was shocked. The stars were out. The moon had begun to rise and there was some light in the forest. It had rained nearly non-stop for 48 hours before the 12 hour race and now it was clear and breathtakingly beautiful.

By the time I finished my last and final loop, the world was waking up. Unlike other races, there wasn't anyone at the finish line to hug me or take a photo - my kids stayed behind with my parents. But the race director was there with a ton of support and good wishes! It was a rather surreal moment. Part of me wanted to squeal with delight and the other half wanted to fall down and sleep. Part of me wanted to run around yelling "look at me! look at me!" and another was already mapping out the drive home to bed.

I will tell you this; such a huge allotment of time alone gives one an opportunity to think about a lot of things:

a) You know the whole "if a tree falls in the woods, does it make a sound?" question. Well, I'm pretty sure I answered it. When I fell, I heard the "oof" come out of my mouth. Pretty darn sure that a tree makes a lot more noise though.

b) Roots are a LOT bigger at night than during the day. They stick out a lot higher too. Not sure if they are trying to trap objects for consumption but I swear they melt back into the ground as soon as the sun rises.

c) Never, and I mean, never lift your white water bottle to your mouth so that your headlamp shines off of it. Instant blindness. Only took me about 8 or 10 times to remember this.

d) The one nice thing about starting a race so far behind the 24 and 48 hour races is that you actually pass people. Damn it, but that feels really good for a change!

e) Leaves hold a great deal of rain water. A slight breeze can bring what feels like a short shower even hours after a rainfall, so you know those leaves are holding a LOT of water!

I love the Dirty Girls race. There are many participants but the race feels small. The support is just amazing! Everyone from Diane Chesla, the race director, to all the volunteers are so welcoming and incredibly kind. I like it because you know what to expect; it's a consistent race. The trails are well-marked, the condition of the trail is awesome (even with all the rain we had), and the aid stations are fully stocked with everything one could want.

So what's next? I have one more race for the 2012 season. I'm starting to dread fall! I am doing the 50 km race at the Haliburton Forest Trail Race. After that, I may try and find some smallish road races to carry me through to spring.  I think I'll try and join a running group over the winter too - it would be good to run with people who will push me hard. For now though, I have less than four weeks to get ready for another 50 km!

Getting Ready to get Dirty...

I am two weeks away from attempting my first 50 km in a registered race!

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
OK. I feel better now; for the moment anyway.

 Dirty Girls is a fabulous trail race; extremely well-organized, a laid-back feel, and slightly more "girlie" than other races. It's also an 8 km loop with three aid stations (including the start/finish) which gives me added confidence. I ran there last year and it was my first 6 hour race.

This year, I'm going for 12 hours. My hope is to run the loop seven times.....yes, seven. Now when I say run, understand that I will probably walk quite a bit of it too. But the ultimate goal this year is to finish with 50+ km so I'm hoping 12 hours will give me enough time....it better! Of course, like any trail race, it has its own set of interesting hurdles. For instance, the 12 hour race starts at 8 pm at night...yes, I'll be running in a forest, through the night, with a headlamp. But I won't be alone as there is a crazier group running for 24 hours and an even more insane group running for 48 hours. Although it will be kinda cool to be able to run with some people I never see because usually my races are so much shorter. Everything is timed so that the 12 hour, 24 hour, and 48 hour races all end at 8 am Sunday morning.

I'm in full out training mode right now. I honestly don't think I've worked this hard for anything athletic in my entire life. Oh wait, I've never really participated in anything this athletic my entire life. Bad example....but I am training! After Limberlost I was discouraged for about three days and then this sense of motivation came over me and I've been running, running, running. I've also been eating about 90% better. My life is filled with protein, veggies, bananas, watermelon and LOTS of water, etc. Oatmeal in the morning, protein at lunch and dinner.  I haven't been this focused in quite awhile!

I'm not entirely sure its making a difference yet because it has only been two weeks or so. But I've lost five pounds (which is always nice!) and I'm sleeping through the night again. I need to eat every two hours so I'm consciously putting my stuff in my purse to eat when I'm out; that way I won't be tempted to stop for fast food. My runs are getting better and longer. My legs are hardly sore when I finish or the next day when I get up in the morning.

My boys are making sure I stay on top of my running too. At some point in the day one of them will ask "Mom, when are you running today?" which is usually followed by "How far are you going to go?" They are watching me like two little hawks!

I want to break through to the "other" side and finish 50 km - an ultra-marathon distance. This is hugely important to me because it's for me.  I want to be able to do something that seems out of reach but IS attainable with some hard work and dedication. I need to prove to myself that I can be the person I want to be.

I will accomplish my goal! GO ME!

Shut the Front Door...I DNF'd!!!

My first DNF. Oh how it sucks. I'm starting to think that Limberlost is going to become my great white whale. I'd like to blame the weather (it was stinking, gross hot), I'd most certainly love to blame the trail (it is really difficult but the most beautiful one I've tried), I could blame the bear (but I imagine he was getting a good chuckle at all the stupid humans running in crazy heat) but in reality the responsibility of my DNF falls on my own shoulders. Damn it.

Like so many race before it, I know I will look back on this and continue to learn from it but the DNF stings. I signed up for 28 km and only got one loop done. I was hot, tired, miserable, negative, emotional, miserable, and did I mention miserable?? I had zero pain. Nothing. The one race where I can honestly say I had no pain; go figure. No cramping, no charlie horses, no stiff neck, no lead feet. My legs were the best they felt in months. Heck, I finished 25 km in Sulphur Springs with a bad knee and back.

So what happened? Honestly, it was the combination of little things that got in my way. Or that I allowed to get in the way. And most of them were emotional which are even worse to try and get through.

I had every intention of eating well leading up to the race and I didn't eat poorly but I certainly did not eat enough. With all the training I was putting in the past two weeks I was becoming hungry a lot more and instead of grabbing a snack, I'd put off eating until I hit a mealtime. I'd be starving by 10pm but too lazy to grab a banana downstairs. I had every intention of hydrating well knowing that the weekend was going to be crazy hot. I'm really bad for hydrating generally speaking and I missed the mark last week for sure.

Friday was a mish-mash day of every task getting pushed later and later to the point that we barely got the tent up in time with natural light at the campsite; and it was compounded by the fact that it was my sons' first time camping. It felt like a scramble all day. Too much going on and not enough planning on my part. I had a list on hand but I kept adding to it and then it just became a "top-of-mind" list trying to pack for three. I couldn't relax on Friday night and stupidly went straight to bed not even getting my running gear set up for the next morning, which is what I usually do. I can honestly say, I was lucky if I got two hours sleep that night.

So by Saturday morning I was physically and mentally exhausted.  That normal rush of race-day adrenaline never kicked it. My kids were excited to see me start but I basically sauntered up to the starting line praying I had everything I needed. I could barely muster a smile. Everyone else's enthusiasm didn't even stir anything inside of me. I was t-i-r-e-d. I got 3 km into the race and kept hoping for some surge of energy. Something that would at least register to my brain that all systems were go and 28 km were possible. Never happened.

By 8km out of the 14k loop, I was already thinking about DNF'ing. The 14 km race participants, who started 20 mins after the 28 km participants, were passing me. Normally this doesn't bother me but I was discouraged. By the 10km mark I knew I was going to DNF. The food at the aid stations were well stocked but nothing seemed appetizing; my body was so tired that food didn't even help motivate me. I tried to talk myself out of it by remembering that my kids were there and they shouldn't see their mother quit. I reminded myself that I paid for the 28k race so I would be giving myself the monetary-shaft. I mentally rubbed my shoulders and suggested to myself that walking the next loop was nothing to be ashamed of as long as I finished. Nothing worked. I swallowed back a whole lot of tears and just trudged on. I knew that if the waterworks started, I'd be stuck in the forest behind a tree for awhile (and with my luck I'd have met up with the bear). Bad enough I was as slow as I was without giving myself another reason to stop.

As I saw the finish line and my kids and Scott all waving with big smiles on their faces and lots of encouragement for loop number two,  I felt really guilty. I took of my number, told them I couldn't do another lap, and officially DNF'd. I wanted to dig a hole, crawl in, have a good cry and sleep. I never did though. My younger son was "starving" at 11:20 a.m. and I had to switch to "Mommy-mode" instantly.

So, there you have it; what I hope to be my first and last DNF story. Some key elements out of this race that I have learned:

1. The mental side of running is huge. If you're head isn't in the race than it just makes the battle that much harder to win. I've had plenty of runners tell me that before but it didn't sink in until yesterday.
2. Eat and hydrate. Eat and hydrate. Eat and hydrate. I get it.
3. Follow a normal routine the night before the race. It will help your body get ready for the next morning.
4. There's no shame in a DNF. There's always another race.

And mine is Dirty Girls. I have a month to train, both mentally and physically, to get to my personal goal of 50 km. I will NOT DNF. I don't care if I have to crawl!